A Thanksgiving Reset: Expectations, Gratitude, and a Little Grace

This week, I made a choice.

A very intentional one.

To shift my mindset.

To quiet the noise in my head.

To stop letting pressure run the show and start leaning into gratitude instead.

I’ve been working through a lot internally, and focusing on gratitude changed the whole tone of my week. And today, as I texted the people in my circle to tell them how grateful I am for them, something bigger settled in my heart.

I started thinking about expectations — specifically the kind we feel obligated to meet, the kind we choose to pursue, and the kind we actively chase because we think we’re “supposed to.”

I realized how often these expectations shape the way we see ourselves. So on a day built around gratitude, I want to talk about expectations — what they’re meant for, what they’re not meant for, and how to tell the difference between healthy expectations and the ones quietly draining us.

What Expectations Are Really About

When I say “expectations,” I’m talking about the standards you place on yourself.

Not the ones whispered by strangers online.

Not the ones handed to you by society.

Not the ones you inherited from family, culture, or comparison.

I mean the expectations you take on —

the ones you feel obligated to meet,

the ones you choose,and the ones you actively chase because you think they define your worth.

Expectations can be powerful.

They give direction.

They create structure.

They help you grow with intention.

But expectations become harmful when their purpose shifts from guiding you to pressuring you. When they stop helping you become more grounded and start making you feel like you’re constantly behind.

When expectations are rooted in identity and purpose, they strengthen you.When they’re rooted in insecurity or comparison, they drain you.

So let’s look at the difference.

Toxic vs Healthy Expectations

Toxic expectations sound like:

• “I should be farther by now.”

• “Everyone else is doing better than me.”

• “If I don’t hit this goal, I’m failing.”

• “I need to keep up.”

• “My value depends on what I accomplish.”

Toxic expectations feel heavy.

They drain your joy.

They make you feel like you’re always behind, always striving, always proving.

Healthy expectations sound like:

• “I’m growing at the pace I’m supposed to grow.”

• “I can take small steps and still make progress.”

• “I’m responsible for my effort, not every outcome.”

• “My lane is different for a reason.”

• “My value is already secure.”

Healthy expectations still challenge you — but they don’t crush you.

They bring a sense of steadiness and peace, even when they stretch you.

They support the woman you’re becoming, not punish the woman you’ve been.

The big difference:

• Toxic expectations are rooted in comparison. Healthy expectations are rooted in purpose.

• Toxic expectations demand perfection. Healthy expectations invite growth.

• Toxic expectations bring anxiety. Healthy expectations bring grounding.

• Toxic expectations push you to perform. Healthy expectations shape you into who you were meant to be.

Living With Expectation Through a Kingdom Lens

For me, everything comes back to God.

My identity, my purpose, my direction — all of it starts with Him.

When my expectations are aligned with His will, they carry peace. They carry clarity. They carry grace. They strengthen me instead of draining me.

But when my expectations come from outside voices, comparison, or insecurity, they pull me away from who He designed me to be.

God did not call us to run someone else’s race. He didn’t ask us to meet standards He never set. He didn’t create us to hustle for our worth.

He created us with intentional purpose.And any expectation that is truly from Him will always reflect His character — steady, loving, gentle, wise, purposeful, and anchored in truth.

When our expectations line up with His design for our lives, we walk in freedom instead of pressure.

A Simple Expectation Check-In

When you feel pressure building or you’re unsure whether an expectation is healthy, these five questions can help bring clarity.

1. Where is this expectation coming from?

Pause long enough to identify the source.

Is it coming from insecurity?

From comparison?

From pressure to “keep up”?

From someone else’s voice?

Or is it coming from your gifts, your purpose, your growth, your relationship with God?

When you know the source, you can realign it to truth.

2. Does this expectation bring peace or anxiety?

Peace doesn’t always mean “easy,” but it often means “aligned.”

And anxiety doesn’t always mean “wrong,” but it can be a signal that the expectation isn’t grounded in truth.

Let your spirit be the indicator.

If the expectation steals your peace every day, that’s worth examining.

3. Would I expect this of someone I love?

If someone you cared for shared this same pressure, would you tell them it’s fair?

Would you tell them it’s necessary?

Would you tell them it’s the only way they can be worthy?

Love should shape your expectations — including the way you love yourself.

4. Does this fit my strengths, gifts, and season of life?

Purpose is steady, but seasons change.

Some seasons are for creating.

Some are for healing.

Some are for rebuilding.

Some are for rest.

Your expectations need to honor the season you’re actually in — not the season you think you “should” be in.

5. Will this matter five years from now — or even in eternity?

A quick way to check an expectation is to pause and ask yourself whether it carries long-term value or if it’s only fueling short-term pressure.

A simple reflection activity: Imagine yourself five years from now.

Does this expectation strengthen your faith, character, relationships, or purpose? Or will it be something you barely remember?

“Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.” — Colossians 3:2

Healthy expectations lift your perspective. Toxic ones trap you in the urgency of right now.

Gratitude Changes Everything

Gratitude resets your heart.

It shifts your focus from pressure to purpose.

It turns your attention from everything you think you lack to everything God has already placed in you.

Gratitude doesn’t ignore hard things — it puts them in the right perspective.

It breaks comparison.

It restores peace.

It reminds you that God is still moving, even when you don’t see it yet.

And today, on Thanksgiving, I want you to know this:

You are valuable.

You are strong.

You are growing.

You are loved.

And you are doing better than you think.

Happy Thanksgiving, friend.

I pray today brings you peace, joy, and rest.

I pray you feel seen, appreciated, and strengthened.

And I pray you walk into tomorrow with fresh grace for yourself and a heart full of gratitude.

I’m grateful for you. Always.